Day 130
Getting definition :)
I though today started oput really well, cause I finally dropped to 138 lbs! :) That’s 10 lbs in total now. (height 5’10”)
So I went to school feeling thinner than usual, even though I knew my body didn’t look any different than the day before. But knowing I now only weighed 138 lbs made me feel more secure.
I even felt secure enough to actually eat the sandwich my mom packed me for lunch, instead of throwing it out…
I felt good….until my track & field practice started.
Here you have this girl who just has the perfect body, and yes I envy her for that … Then she told us how she was feeling a little week because she forgot her lunch and didn’t eat anything since breakfast, which of course made me feel even more guilty for eating mine…. and on top of that she even took of her shirt off after practice, walking around in her sports bra…showing of her nice abs…being secure about her body.
I looked down at my belly… not being happy with it… thinking about the fact that I wouldn’t never take my shirt of, cause I’m too insecure…
I know this ⇩ is not the definition of “fat”
But it’s neither the definition of skinny….
So as good as I felt this morning, as bad am I feeling now…
And of course I had 2 slice of pizza for dinner, which made me feel even worse. (I’m eating less tomorrow) So now I’m waiting for the laxatives that I just took to do their work. :(
Will I even be good enough for society?… will I ever be good enough for myself?
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